We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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