i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
