forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i think i have herpe
just one?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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