You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
