There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
