I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just gargled with NyQuil
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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