ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
