I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
