and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
