You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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