I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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