Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
