i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
i've created a new STD.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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