Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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