Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
