I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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