Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
