Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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