filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
