i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
