I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
