she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
