Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
