It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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