It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
