I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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