I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Randomize
