I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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