i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
