Swine flu. Run for my life!
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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