i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
