So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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