Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
PANTIES FOUND
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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