I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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