I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My penis needs a shock collar
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize