Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
