I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
