the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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