Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
