Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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