I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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