She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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