I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
