Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
