The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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