all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
