I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Girls should come with a carfax report
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
