Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
