im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize