Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
