Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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