she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
