I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
