Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
