I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
