The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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