You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
