The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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