big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
