If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
