I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
