We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
