and next time when you feel me up, do it right
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
