Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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