so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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