She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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